Wednesday’s full council meeting was hailed as “historic” by Chairman, Cllr Karl Love. It was their final gathering before elections were due (which the government has cancelled) and the swansong for the cabinet-led system before the much-hyped new committee structure comes in on May 1.

After a swift session of public questions – unsurprising, given the lack of audience – and the less-than-thrilling leader’s report, councillors moved on to the important business. Top of their agenda was the “Report of the Independent Remuneration Panel on the Member’s Allowance Scheme” – in layman’s terms, councillors’ pay. The deputy monitoring officer explained it was an “interim report” because nobody knows how much work the new system will involve.

Naturally, this justified a pay rise of over £500 until it is considered again later in the year.

Cllr Geoff Brodie triumphantly claimed savings of “the best part of £100,000” thanks to the new system he had championed. He seemed to have missed the “interim report” detail. Whether those savings materialise remains to be seen.

Meanwhile, Cllr Chris Jarman took the opportunity to offer his colleagues some sage financial advice, pointing out how they could claim tax relief to alleviate the hardship of receiving their allowances.

Discussing money seemed a little vulgar for some, but it didn’t stop them voting in favour of the pay hike. The only exceptions were Cllr Paul Fuller, who may have accidentally voted “no” after being jolted awake mid-snooze (who could blame him?), and Green Party councillor, Joe Lever, who abstained, whether from principle or as a PR tactic is anyone’s guess.

Next up was the committee system, the council’s equivalent of getting a new iPhone. It’s nice and shiny with lots of bits nobody understands or needs.

Cllr Andrew Garratt candidly admitted it was “not perfect,” but amid general agreement that it was nevertheless a very good thing, Cllr Chris Quirk reassured councillors they’d “learn as they go.”

Nothing to worry about then!

Events took a more surprising turn when Cllr Peter Spink suggested establishing a “Planning Protocol Working Group”.

A spirited debate followed after it was pointed out the group already existed and Cllr Spink was its chairman – it just hadn’t done anything.

Ever the pragmatist, Cllr Garrett proposed the group continue its proud tradition of inactivity until May. Cllr Spink, didn’t agree he’d done nothing, but withdrew his motion anyway. But somehow the debate rumbled on. Cllr Michael Lilley said he was “alarmed” the working group hadn’t achieved anything in three years – a touching display of faith in our councillors’ effectiveness that, frankly, not all of us share.

The discussions moved on to private schools and business rate relief. Cllr Ian Stephens proposed a motion and Cllr Jarman wanted an amendment, providing the perfect opportunity for councillors to bicker over which should be considered first. Eventually, Cllr Michael Lilley – surely speaking for everyone – plaintively piped up, “What amendment are we talking about?”

Mercifully, Cllr Brodie stepped in to explain the rules, pointing out one glaring flaw – the amendment hadn’t even been written down. Amid this display of truly inspiring governance, nobody seemed to notice the irony of councillors fiercely debating their new constitution while most barely grasp the current one.

Meanwhile, Cllr Fuller appeared to sink back into his interrupted nap – doubtless dreaming of a council that knows what it is doing – his dream cruelly shattered by reality when Cllr Paul Brading pointed out that the law on business rate relief is set to change, so it was all a bit pointless.

Councillors decided to vote on whether to continue wasting time discussing it; 16 opted to move on, while ten wanted the debate to continue. Yes, honestly!

On to devolution. Council leader, Cllr Phil Jordan, wanted to reassure the room that the council would “remain the same” – an aimless status quo they all eagerly endorsed. Councillors should be forced to watch the videos of their meetings.

Perhaps Cllr Love was right – it was a historic meeting – but for all the wrong reasons. With the new committee system set to launch in May – it seems Islanders are doomed to suffer more of the same – just in a slightly different format. But don’t worry – at least they’ve secured their pay rise.