By Press Release
We all talk less frequently nowadays; WhatsApp text and messenger have become the communication tools of choice. They’re far less intrusive than telephones. Do you remember people calling your landline at inopportune moments? You were on the loo, dishing up dinner or in the middle of putting the kids to bed when the blasted phone rang. You felt obliged to answer and see who it was, just in case it was important, although it never was.
Offering to ‘call back’ felt rude, and returning calls has two issues. Firstly, the person (rightly) assumes that whatever you’re doing is more important than they are. Second, returning calls hangs over you, because to avoid causing more offence, you must do it fairly promptly, even when you don’t want to.
I used to dread certain people ringing me because they’d trap me for ages, without my getting a word in edgeways. After half an hour or so, my mind would drift to plotting my escape and the sheer joy of replacing the receiver.
My bladder doesn’t allow long phone calls anymore. After half an hour, I’m jiggling around or wishing I wore a Tena for men. What is it with telephones and needing the loo?
In our family, the worst offender hasn’t called me for years, but she could spend hours speaking without drawing breath. There was the occasional pause, just to check you were still alive and listening to her Alan Bennett style monologue. I once casually remarked on the length of her marathon phone calls; she responded by telling me that her chats with girlfriends lasted hours!
Messaging via text creates an embarrassing new problem – sending them to the wrong recipient. We’ve all done it. I’ve sent messages about people who had annoyed me via text message, only to realise seconds later that, without my glasses, I’d accidentally fired my furious response straight back to the person I was moaning about!
When you do that, you need to think fast, which brings us to Prince Harry. He says he no longer communicates with his Dad or brother and hasn’t for some time. Thoughtfully he is in touch – via his book, ‘Spare’, and several global TV and press interviews. He claims he’s trying to “save the monarchy” but, confusingly, the interviews he’s given contradict what’s written in the book.
Hen-pecked Henry knows full well that the people he accuses can’t answer back. He speaks in such coded terms, it’s hard to understand what he’s really going on about. Who was it that hurt his feelings? Potentially all of them! He’s particularly bitter about being brother William’s understudy, seemingly oblivious to the fact that his Auntie Anne, the Princess Royal, made an exceptionally good job of her ‘spare’ role.
Long ago some Kensington Palace staff quit their jobs, claiming that his (then) fiancée was rude and demanding. We remember too that painful Oprah interview, and their revelation that someone inside the family speculated about the colour of yet-to-be-born baby, Archie’s, skin. Unbelievably, Harry now insists he wasn’t accusing anyone in his family of racism!
He detests the British tabloids, blaming them for reporting that he killed 25 Taliban while on active service. That’s definitely in his book, but he claims the papers have misreported him, so it’s their fault that his Californian family are now at greater risk. Spare is petty and was ghostwritten, but presumably, even a dunce like H checked its contents before going to print.
I won’t read it because he’s thrown his poor old Pa, brother and sister-in-law under the bus for money.
Interviewed now, he says they believe he’s paranoid and delusional. I reckon they’ve got that bang on.
