HOLMSEY: Decline here and across the pond!

History shows that no civilisation lasts forever. Most end due to political weakness, turmoil and infighting – but enough about Labour and the Conservatives.

Last week, America seemed more banana republic than seat of democracy. Their political system is almost unfathomable.

Seriously, how are Trump and Biden still the best candidates they can find? Donald could be in jail next month, and still run for president! His farcical trial could have taken place in any state, but if he’s correct and his approval numbers are just 5 per cent in New York, it’s hardly surprising they dragged him into court there.

US Federal law can tie any candidate in knots. The US equivalent of our Crown Prosecution Service is always an elected person, and maybe the judge seemed a little partial too? How can a jury sit through weeks of complex testimony and find the defendant guilty on 34 counts in just hours. The only real surprise was how they found 12 people willing to swear an oath they had no prior opinion of Donald J Trump! Yeah, I know he’s guilty, but if Boris Johnson or Tony Blair went on trial here, do you think they could find 12 genuinely impartial jurors.

America worries me, but what about our lot. I’m already fed up with the election, so decided to look at the Green Party. Their national 55-mph speed limit put me right off. Honestly, don’t the Greens realise Islanders need to drive much faster than other people? That’s because the ferry after the one we’re aiming for is bound to be cancelled at short notice due to lack of essential crew. Their ‘silent fireworks’ policy seems silly, but they do support our right to buy drugs legally from the local pharmacy. If the idea of popping to your local chemist for some heroin or coke, along with your blood pressure tablets appeals, vote Green!

The Greens also might abolish low-cost airlines and cruise ships, so we’d all be forced to holiday here – like Bob Seely. Does anybody seriously believe that, if Bob loses this election, he’ll start to pay the £1,235 monthly rent on his Brighstone pad himself when he can no longer charge it to us taxpayers?

I like Labour’s Richard Quigley, so voting Labour was a possibility, until I heard Shadow Health Secretary, Wes Streeting, say, “In order to be inclusive, the NHS should invite trans women to cervical screening clinics.” If Richard knocks at yours, ask him if any trans women turn up, what do they examine? I know it doesn’t directly affect me, but Sir Keir has said, “It’s not right to say that only women have a cervix.” I’m not a trained doctor, but surely, that’s just biological fact. How can a man who’s so muddled about the birds and the bees be trusted to run the country?

The Tories have been telling whoppers on immigration since David Cameron’s “reduce it to the tens of thousands” porky in 2010.

Can anyone explain why overseas students coming here to study need to bring their mum and granny with them? Most kids I know can’t wait to ditch their parents when going to university. And what about those Bulgarian benefit fraudsters who created 6,000 identities to steal £54 million from the UK taxpayer. Many of the kids they claimed for never left Bulgaria. The judge said they were laughing at us, handing all that money over without proper checks.

Why do we allow EU citizens to live here on benefits? We’re always being told they came here to work. If a Bulgarian policeman hadn’t raised the alarm, they’d still be collecting universal credit, housing benefit, council tax benefit, child benefit and working tax credits. No wonder the country’s broke!