By Isle of Wight Observer
Being angry is never a choice, but when you’re really cross, saying exactly what’s on your mind is rarely a good idea. I’ve lost count of the number of times a friend, family member or colleague told me exactly what they think of someone who upset them.
We all enjoy freedom of speech, but can forget that words have consequences. When someone tells me they plan to explode at a colleague, friend or ex, I urge them to think twice. Then I say, “Imagine you tell them exactly what’s on your mind.
“Picture yourself venomously giving them both barrels and then some. Having exploded, you’ll feel great for a few minutes, but then what?” If it’s your boss, they might fire you on the spot. If it’s your manager, whoever’s ultimately in charge will need to resolve your differences as best they can.
Working with someone you’ve recently raged at is challenging. When the person who made you boil with rage is an ex-partner or a family member, the consequences can be huge. Most of us have very long memories when we’ve been hurt. Many moons ago, two members of my extended family fell out badly. The original reason for their mutual loathing is unimportant, but their longstanding feud has meant the rest of us suffering. Decade after decade, we’ve had awkwardness and stress at what should have been joyful family gatherings. Even when one or the other absented themselves, their failure to join in was almost as bad as their malevolent presence. Stupidly, they managed to keep this mutual hatred going – despite not setting eyes on one another for decades. When you think about it, that’s quite an achievement. How do you stay angry with someone you haven’t seen for 20 years?
A friend passionately loathed her sister-in-law because she regularly witnessed narcissistic behaviour. Naturally, that took its toll on her much-loved brother, but what could she possibly gain by interfering? Our siblings or children’s partner choices are none of our business. Nor is their infidelity, wasteful spending, chronic debt, drinking, unemployment or bad life choices.
Even before social media, radio stations encouraged us to email or call with our opinions however fruity. Nowadays you can easily be spiteful via text or email. If you want to get something off your chest to somebody close, you have many choices, but ideally, you should do it face to face.
The IW Observer has a great letters page and, despite writing regularly alongside it, I keep some things to myself – for fear of pointless arguments with total strangers. However, last week I noted that Bob Seely hopes to be co-opted onto Freshwater Parish Council. Seemingly without embarrassment, Bob also wants the local Conservatives to make him their West Wight candidate again next time, please. My advice about biting your tongue does not apply to failed ex-MPs.
In a world where most politicians are useless, Bob was exceptionally awful. He blames Reform for losing – but it was because Islanders thought he was lacklustre and more interested in other countries than us. It didn’t help that his party were stringing us along too, and I’m still cross with them all. New Tory leader Kemi Badenoch says the Tories deserved to lose last July, because politicians can’t repeatedly promise to do things they don’t. How can Comrade Bob, who took Russian lessons at our expense, possibly believe we’d want him back? His former constituents told him precisely what we thought of his woeful performance last July; I’ll wager very few would be willing to give him another go in five years’ time. I reckon my pet rabbit could do a better job – and he died in 2017!