By Isle of Wight Observer
My name is Karl, and I started ‘Men Only’ four years ago, because I knew there was a need to encourage men to talk and share, and because I needed a place to talk and share. I genuinely believe that, as one team, we can break down the stigma around men’s mental health, and also support men, hear them, and allow them to be in a safe environment, without any judgment around how they feel. It really is OK not to be OK.
Following a lengthy chat (several hours) with a really good friend about how men hate talking about their mental health, then the system fails them. His advice was to get started on something or stop talking about it (this is the family-friendly version!). I started in early 2021 in my spare room. I did two three-hour open Zoom sessions a week. In the time I did the calls, I spoke to about ten men, which was, honestly, a lot more than I had anticipated. As lockdowns ended and normality returned, I realised that there was a need for an organisation where men could feel like they were a part of, and feel safe to talk about stuff.
After a summer of one-to-ones in coffee shops and cafes, we held the first Walk & Talk on Sunday, September 5, 2021. Following a lot of support from the Island’s media and an extensive social media campaign, over 20 men showed up, including Rodger, my dear friend who got me to step up. Although it may not sound like a lot, we were still post-Covid. It exceeded our expectations and, after walking to Seaview and back to the Old Barracks Cafe, we imagined everyone would head home; the majority of the group stayed on, drinking tea for a couple of hours. It went down as a significant landmark for Men Only, and we have held a Sunday Walk & Talk nearly every Sunday since then.
Just three weeks later, unexpectedly, I lost my best friend, Rodger.
Throughout 2022, we continued to grow steadily, with more service users, more meet-ups, quiz nights, and some funding that allowed my good friend and business partner, Liz Farrant, to come and work alongside me full-time. Since then, we have seen our numbers rise steadily and, by adopting a culture of evolution over revolution, we’re continuously building a solid foundation for Men Only IW to grow steadily over the coming decades.
At the end of 2022, we were offered some space at the Ryde Depozitory, where we spent a chilly but exceptional winter. We opened the door three times a week, and we waited. From the first day, we had visitors walking through the door; we opened on Christmas Day and had over 15 visits. We realised that we needed a permanent home, so we started looking.
In January 2023, I lost another good friend to suicide, Steve.
In May 2023, we opened the door to Rodger and Steve’s ‘warm space, safe place’ in the Ryde’s High Street, to provide a place for men to come to.
Since then, our numbers have risen steadily. We installed our brand-new kitchen in November 2023, and we are so proud to be designated a ‘warm space, safe place.’
Men Only is now a well-established, community-driven initiative focused on supporting men’s mental health and well-being in Ryde and across the Isle of Wight. Over 400 visitors a month visit Rodger and Steve’s place.
So far this year, 12 men have died in unexpected circumstances. It’s a heart-breaking number on such a small Island. Our dedication to providing a safe, non-judgmental space where men can come together to talk openly about their mental health challenges, build connections, and break the stigma around seeking help is unfaltering, and we will continue to grow and expand our place in our communities.