HOLMSEY: If this is grown‑up government, fetch the crayons

Sir Keir Starmer has come out fighting, and apparently the great enemy of our age is… Reform. Insults seem to be Labour’s main campaign strategy in the Gorton & Denton by- election. When he’s not blaming everybody else for the Mandelson crisis, Sir Keir is laser focused on you – should you dare to vote Reform. “Racists” is the entry level insult; “uneducated” is another favourite. Reading the Daily Mail or Express is proof you can’t think for yourself. Voted for Brexit? Congratulations – you’re a brainwashed moron. They know many red wall voters backed Leave, but Keir hasn’t the courage of his convictions to discuss rejoining. Instead, he’s dragging us back to Brussels through the back door.

What we once called the loony left now believes Reform is the Nazi Party reborn. If you think migration should be controlled, or the European Court shouldn’t overrule our own, you’re “far right.” For the record, I’m happy to associate myself with those Reform policies – though that doesn’t mean I’ll vote for them. Even identifying as a Reform sympathiser embarrasses my kids, but I’m a brave soul, and I care about my country.

I’ve often voted Conservative, but the Tories have a mountain to climb. Kemi is doing a half-decent job, but it’s only been 18 months since we booted them out, hoping for something better, and Starmer is already a total flop. Who believes a word he says? Dodgy Lord Mandelweasel buys an £8 million London house and it doesn’t occur to him to ask where the money came from.

Labour and the Greens are fighting for every vote in Gorton & Denton. The Greens have some big ideas. They’ll legalise drugs, leave NATO, and slash defence spending, freeing up billions to pay for more migrant housing and legal aid. Ambitious in the way only people who never have to deliver anything can be.

Most people I know think Britain has gone dreadfully wrong somewhere. They want borders controlled and don’t want illegal migrants housed at huge expense. We all want better public services, but the extra taxes we’re paying are disappearing somewhere. Any ideas? Answers on a postcard please to 10 Downing Street.

Reform wants more prisons and longer sentences; meanwhile, for years thieves have strolled out of court unpunished. No wonder shoplifting, drugs, and knife crime are endemic. “But we’ve frozen commuter rail fares,” Labour boasts. Sadly, their generosity doesn’t extend to ferry fares for Islanders, so we face inflation-busting rises and Labour’s new environmental tax. Our MPs have had no luck so far exempting our ferries, while Scottish islanders won’t pay it. Of course, we won’t get to see the sums – and the ferry companies will love blaming the government for ever-higher ticket prices.

Labour in Westminster doesn’t understand the Island. They don’t care we’ll pay at least 15 per cent more just to reach mainland hospital appointments. Thank goodness Sir Keir secured visa free travel to China. I’m sure that’s eased your mind. If this ferry injustice stands, Richard Quigley may be as doomed as his leader. The ferry blame game is now as predictable as the endless fare hikes and essential crew member shortages. It’s as if they don’t think we have a right to leave the Island at all. Our essential medical trips barely register.

Wes Streeting is not a PM in waiting; he’s a disastrous Health Secretary. One in four new doctors can’t get a job. Angela Rayner is a tax-dodger. “There’s not enough money,” they cry – while advertising six figure “non jobs.” A recent St Mary’s role ran to half a page and paid £130,000 and I still couldn’t tell you what it was.

Labour hasn’t a clue – it’s time to try something else, not someone else at Number 10.