The Isle of Wight Conservative Association is casting its net so wide in search of new councillors they might even catch a few fish.

In their desperate quest to recruit fresh talent from all walks of life, the Tories have decided that you don’t even need to be one of their own to make the shortlist. They’ve scrapped the £3.50 monthly fee that all other party members must stump up.

Membership of “the most successful political organisation in the world” for new “Conservative friendly candidates” will be “complimentary”. Who knew political allegiance could be so flexible and affordable? But might it annoy those who do faithfully put their hands in their pockets to support the local association? Who knows?

Tim Jeffreys, their freshly-installed chairman (the last one resigned after the general election) with a dream of rejuvenating the party, has clearly sparked enthusiasm among some members with an email sent out on Saturday. One such fervent supporter, determined to find the perfect “amazing community focused” Tory candidate, forwarded the recruitment email to a chum, even helpfully highlighting in yellow the “£9,605 yearly councillor allowance” dangled in Mr Jeffreys’ email. The only hiccup? The friend is a national Labour Party member. “It was a bit embarrassing really,” the bemused Labour supporter told the IW Observer. “I was a Tory member several years ago, but I was so disillusioned with Bob Seely that I supported Richard Quigley’s campaign. I didn’t have the heart to tell my friend, so I just said it wasn’t something I could consider at the moment.” Clearly, a case of mistaken political identity.

Mr Jeffreys, seemingly expecting to attract a pretty low calibre of candidates, generously offers “assistance with completing your candidate application form”. After all, nothing shouts “high-quality potential councillor” quite like needing help to fill out your own paperwork. And if that’s not enough, they’re throwing in “social media training & account management support.” Somebody is certainly in need of that as the local Tories’ most recent Facebook post was six weeks ago and their website’s latest news is about Joe Robertson’s election win in IW East, dated July 6. Don’t worry, prospective candidates, you’ll be in good hands!

You’ll be joining a team of “dedicated and community-focused individuals,” enthuses Mr Jeffrey’s, although sadly that won’t include their current group leader, Cllr Clare Mosdell (Newchurch Havenstreet and Ashey), who is so dedicated that she is eagerly counting down the “sleeps” until she can escape. Nor will it include Cllr Tig Outlaw (Lake South), who is so community focused that he has been living on the mainland for a year. But if you have a penchant for bitching about fellow councillors, their policies and local media outlets, you’ll just love their private WhatsApp group. Just remember, what happens in WhatsApp doesn’t always stay in WhatsApp – and watch out for the Freedom of Information Act (the Information Commissioner helpfully warns that councillors should always remember that information held in “non-corporate communications channels” may be subject to the transparency laws) – if anyone can be bothered. Chat accordingly.

One senior local Tory, sounding more despondent than hopeful, lamented, “I’m afraid this just shows the total lack of political judgement in the local party. Bob Seely has even said that he wants to stand again for the West Wight next time around. We are in a real mess.” Now, there’s a rallying cry if ever we’ve heard one.

Ever eager to assist our local political parties in finding top-notch candidates for local elections, the IW Observer is happy to spread the word about this golden opportunity. Simply get in touch with Clare Mosdell – before she completes her countdown, of course.