“Poopetrator” strikes in Newport

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The urban dictionary defines a “poopetrator” as: a person who commits heinous acts of the fecal nature.

A “poopetrator” (or groups of “poopetrators”) has apparently been at large on the island in recent weeks.

One of the latest “poopetrator” victims was Amy Ryan of Sylvan Drive, Newport, who called the police after returning home to find faeces on the bonnet of her BMW.

Amy Ryan said: “I just don’t understand how someone could pull down their pants and lay a mud monkey right on my bonnet.

Amy claimed a group of “poopetrators” had been spotted laying “mud monkeys” on cars in Newport and Cowes.

Social media reacted with both outrage and scatological humour to the antics of the “poopetrators”, with the terms “dogs’ eggs” and “turd burglar” being applied.

One social media user wrote: “years ago, someone this in the doorway of the Conservative Club in Ryde and wrote on the door, ‘Lone arse strikes again’, so nothing changes.”

Another commented that, “whoever did this must be as thick as s***”

Others vented their anger, saying: “It’s beyond my comprehension, what is wrong with the people doing these disgusting things, smashing into cars, breaking glass in the paddling pool, burning down bus shelters and public buildings.”

A further social media user blamed austerity, claiming that: “You can have all the CCTV in the world, covering every inch of this country? But without fully trained, real Police Officers, doing their jobs in the community, and resources to properly examine CCTV footage, we are left with this ‘Austerity driven mess’.”

One solution suggested was to compel the culprits to clean public toilets to make them think twice about their actions.

The most practical solution suggested to this problem was to catch the “poopetrators” on a dash-cam in parking mode, set off by movement.


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